- Get rid of the "Memories" shit from your timeline
Apps -> More -> On This Day -> Preferences -> People -> Edit -> Add yourself -> Save -> Dates -> Edit -> Set start date = Jan 1 1980, end date = Dec 31, 2016 -> Save
Just make sure that the range enclosed by start date and end date is large enough to block all the "Memories".
- Disable autoplaying of videos
Settings -> Videos -> Auto-Play Videos -> Off
- enable captions
Settings -> Videos -> Always Show Captions -> On